Thursday, December 17, 2009
Thorn Coyle uses: Sticky One, Shining Body, and Sacred Dove
Reclaiming: Younger Self, Talking Self, and Higher Self
Hebrew: Nefesh, Ruach, Neshama, Chaya, Yechida
SOL: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual (planes of existence)
Elemental: Body, Mind, Heart, Soul, and Spirit.
Whatever the names or the exact system, all of these are focused on harmonizing and integrating, becoming aware, and living in a conscious, fluid, and healthy way. The balancing and healing of those parts allow one to reach further through the planes, live more successfully and healthily and evolve on our spiritual path.
Often one reads of awakening into magickal existence or full living. For me, I sought for many years on a hope, a dream, a wish that there was something more. As my practice broadened and deepened, like a flower opening, existence did the same. There was so much more to be aware of, to learn, to celebrate, share, and work toward.
One thing I have struggled with is letting my conscious self let go in order to let my younger self and higher self take the reins. Last night I found some success with that endeavor. Through music, dancing, art making, journaling, and scrying I engaged the flow of life. The message bubbling up kept urging me "Let go, trust, have faith!"
I stand at the beginning, of a life of so much more engagement. All I have to do, is refuse to shut myself off from it. Yes, it is scary. Yes I risk failure, and yet, if I listen to those other parts of me, there is no risk for it cannot fail.
Even in the still, coldness of winter is life, turning and yearning within the seeds in the ground. Within the DNA deep within the seeds of promise, I look to the future and will walk into my birthright.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Between Samhain and Yule, I follow the Celtic idea that there is a space of time between Samhain and Yule that is not of the year and is an underworld and othertime space. December really is culturally for the US a crazy time of overboard feasting, but also a time of family and joy so between Samhain and Yule, I do a lot of cooking, journaling, review how things went, give thanks for what was a success and for all the blessings in my life, then dream, rest, and plan for the new cycle to come. I also work with the Morrigan during the winter months to help cull away and clean house per say in order to make room for new things to grow. Brigid looks over my kitchen, keeping my family nourished and comforted and safe. The Morrigan help my internal struggles with the season and both temper and form the sword within me so that I can be a more effective tool of the Divine in the year to come. Finally I look to Freyja to oversee my relationship with my partner that we can be a healthy, loving team.
Mark, author of http://clearandobscure.blogspot.com/, mentioned that he just found out that leaves don't fall off trees, the trees push the leaves off this time of year. What do you want to push out or set free? What can be a joyous outward sharing to the world in brillant color so that you can peacefully turn inward in the months to come?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I just read a blog post from Lauren Raine. A goddess woman and artist whom I look up to. http://threadsofspiderwoman.blogspot.com/2009/09/reflections.htmlHer art is fabulous and her commentary suddenly slammed me back into my artist self.
Art was a part of my magick, part of my magickal process and journey. It was tied to it all and how I communed with my Muses and Gods. Something happened in undergrad as art became critiqued asignments and one more way to excell. I became cut off from my artist and depressed. Since college I have struggled with the practice and the "whys" of art.
I had a beautiful dream last night of looking into a stone surrounded well or pool of purple water with white lotuses floating in it. It would make a perfect painting. It would be good to go into the regions of my younger self, the below, the underworld to commune in that place. What right to I have not to share that?
Art can create beauty, evoke inspiration, peace, hope. One of my favorite paintings is one in the National Museum called hope. There is a woman in a voluminous gown and the dawn in bright pink hues behind her. She is my Dawn Messenger of Hope.
If I connect with God it is not about approval, critiquing, or what society has to say about it. There is nothing too personal, to private, to magickal or sacred to share. It is my duty to share these images.
There is the yellow brick road gleaming ahead of me. The sun has arisen and I will never turn away from it. There is as much change as I will allow.
To be continued...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The other day I made a connection between the singular lifeforce of astrological signs in connection with some of the same ways one might work with an angel or archangel. When the thought occurred to me, I heard a noise like medium sized brass instruments, colors around me got wonky, and the floor felt like it was tilting out from under me. The air got heavy and static charged and I felt as if I had phased out a bit.
I integrated another idea the other day that one can tap into the energetic fields of a person through electronic media and written text. I like the idea and had been testing it for several weeks. When I finally integrated it though, reading the book I was looking at was like listening to a hologram of the person. I was also able to tap into the images in their head that inspired them to describe the situation they way they did. I was using the text as a gateway into learning directly from the author. The shift of color, sound, light, and the floor happened again. My transpersonal chakra was wide open. HOLY CRAP!
Right now I'm playing around with the idea that this experience is similar to opening a zip file and dowloading a much larger set of data from the initial click on an icon. I'm not sure why or how, but I it is very interesting.
As another aside, City Fae beings are much different from the ones that live in the country and green areas. Without contact with healthy land spirits, I'm not sure what they live off of. That's not a fun train of thought if you take it very far....
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
It occured to me that this year, because of all the changes
I've gone through and the studying I've done, my entire world view, has, yet again, changed. The Qabala has been instrumental for me to have a multifaceted viewpoint of God in many forms. It was a missing link to help me get
away from God the Father and integrate polythesim
into how I believe the universe and astronomy works.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I think quite often as things go into the public or popular realm they are watered down, misunderstood, and misused. To me, shadow work isn't about positive and negative pieces of ourselves and dealing with parts of ourselves that we don't like. It is about learning to understand where are reactions and predilections come from. Its understanding our fears. Its understanding our coping mechanisms. It is unburying our power that we hid from ourselves in our subconscious through suppression.
For example, in my family growing up, sex was considered bad, bad, taboo, and unspeakable... For a long while I tried to be a good Christian and subvert earthly desire. Later, when I grew up and decided that was an unhealthy attitude toward sex, it took years of working through guilt to be able to be comfortable with a very natural process. As I have gained more comfort and acceptance of my sex drive and sexual expression and identification I have become healthier, happier, braver, and sexier. Through setting something free that had been trapped in guilt and suppression I found personal power.
Shadow work was not always called shadow work, but it is much older than Wicca. All strains of the Western Magickal tradition use shadow work on some level. It is also what was refered to in the late 1800's as dark or black magick because it was hidden. The themes are there before the pop-psychology terms were overlaid on them. Even in the goetia, the magician is told to know all parts of himself so that he knows his weaknesses and can better protect himself against spirits that would seek to use those weaknesses against him.
It is a commonly held idea that power is kept in the shadow or the underworld. Dark of the moon. That which is hidden, that which isn’t obvious and in the light of day. Have you ever had your vision taken from you for a while and thrown into complete darkness? After a while, you will start to have visions. Very interesting that when we cannot see light, we start to see within. You tap into the otherworlds and the worlds within your being.
This year I have my Pluto conjunct my sun. Is this sounding familiar? My normal front-face personality (my sun) is walking in the realm underneath, the Underworld, the places normally void of light. My underworld is splayed open for all to see above the surface in the walking, waking, shining world. Yowzah! Yet, this has been a tool for change for me this year. I have become more actively aware of automatic decisions I make that I formed in childhood that may serve no purpose for me as an adult. Such defense mechanisms were useful to me as a child when I couldn’t understand the pains in life and needed to move on, yet they have become limits to me now, limiting factors that tell me what is possible in my life and what I will not allow myself to do and to grow and make change in my world.
The more we become aware of our psychology, the more we are able to decide consciously the decisions we make. I for one enjoy when I am able to control my interactions, my reactions and my emotions for my usage rather than be a victim and controlled by the tides of my emotions, unawares and at its mercy. The stronger we are able to harness our emotions, the greater control of energy, power, and magick we will gain.
Why is all of this so scary? If you have to deal with personal truths that you hold self-evident than are in fact, faulty and harmfull, it is traumatic! It hurts to have to remember traumas of the past and reinterpret them, embrace them, and learn from them in a new way while not falling into your old comfortable patterns. Isn’t it easier to just try to make everything okay and just try to be happy all the time? I find that when I try this, it is at my weak moments that I fall into depression. It is when the lights are out, it is cold, and I am alone that suddenly, I don’t know where to turn. The sun within, hidden, yet always shining must be strong. In order to have a stable and strong handle on yourself, you have to work with all of your pieces in order to understand them, in this case, especially the pieces that aren’t so pretty and fun.
I’ve been having trouble remembering my dreams since my initiation. My initiation dredged up some stuff that I had been unaware of and at first, really resisted dealing with. This weekend, I relaxed enough and gave myself permission to do some dream work. Saturday afternoon, I opened up my my healer friend, she gave me a reading and started the energy work process to release some of the old energetic bodies I am holding within me. Sunday morning, I had quite the nightmare. In a way, it was upsetting, but not a nightmare at all. The Mother was with me in the dream, lovely pointing out to me that which I would rather keep forgotten. The next few months are going to be a lot of hard work. In some ways I am aware of the process. In other ways, I won’t know what the destination is until I get there. There is no way for me to control the destination and I have to have faith in the process.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
In a world where we go to the supermarket and can get any item at any time of the year, don’t grow our own food, and aren’t dependent of weather cycles (That is when it isn’t RAINING!), how does Lammas, the first harvest apply to us.
I look to the harvesting of my life. I use it as a goal post for what I have accomplished and how I’ve changed in the year. I have felt rushed, pushed, uncomfortable and itchy all year. I have stripped away dead skin, and continue to do so that I can grow into my new skin. I wasn’t sure if I had been successful this year, but from the following lists, it looks like I have been. Despite this list, I have felt like I have been in pain, stressed, sad sometimes, and unsure. It is an unease I have to live with, accept, and keep going. As I finish off the year, I hope that my relatively free schedule in November and December will help me find some resolution and peace.
Since Samhain of 2008:
I started teaching
I gave in to Odin to work consciously with him
I became a member of the council of the Fellowship
I became proficient in aspecting
I unbonded from the Windsword and joined Chalice of Living Stars
I rented out my house
I completed 2 roundtables and am working on a third
I survived a tulmultuous relationship with a woman
I survived a dark night of the soul
I deepened and committed my relationship with my partner.
I started doing work with the OTO. I hope by the end of the year to have initiated as Minerval
I started firetending
I did some major healing work and was able to help midwife my mother’s process
I got my 2nd degree initiation
I still have some processing to do and I know the solidifying process of my 2nd degree will continue. For the rest of the season I would like to:
Get my Minerval Degree
Finish the Qabala series and Participate in a successful Climbing the Tree
Teach my Celtic Myth series again
Do some shadow work
Next Year my Goals:
Lead another roundtable: Astrology
Start teaching wicca 101
Go back to school, take 3 psych classes
Start doing something with women’s mysteries again
I’m still throwing around the possibility of picking up martial arts again
Monday, August 3, 2009
1. Context - Ace of Wands
2. Focus - Emperor
3. Outcome - Ace of Wands.
OWWWW!!!!! I wanted to post it to my profile and got an error, so I hit refresh.
1. Context - Hermit
2. Focus - Ace of Swords
3. Outcome - Star.
Moral of the story: Never play cards with Odin. OWWWW.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Last night I had a Hod Moment, not to be confused with a Mercury Retrograde moment which is Hod backwards or Doh!
I had done some cleaning and decorating, then was getting ready for bed. I turned out most of the lights, lite a couple of candles in the bedroom to alieviate the staleness in the air from the humidity. I lied down in bed and as my head went down, I saw a bright orange flash on my dresser out of the corner of my eye. It was a brilliant spark glowing and arresting my attention. So, I sat back up to figure out what it was and as my head was at the same level, there it was again! Then I realized its origin--a tiny piece of mexican fire opal that had come in the mail today that was the center piece of the Hod disk I made as part of my model of the tree of life.
What a difference a tiny stone makes. Spendor indeed! Oh that's why they call it "fire opal" WOW. The small wooden disk seemed enlivened to me.
Balance of Hod and Netzach indeed! This whole project of constructing this model has taught me so much. Smelling incense associated with each sphere, and connecting it to the stones and gems, and even painting the planetary sigils has been monumental in my connection with the Tree. I cannot explain in words how this process works, but this process of CM has been most rewarding and enlightening.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
floating above, ungrounded.
*breath in love, breath out connection.
breath in love, breath out connection.
the fear isnt real
It is power,
waiting for an outlet.
Don't bottle it
breath in love, breath out connection.
stick to your Will,
plan, follow the future path
breath in love, breath out connection.
you are not trapped
breath in love, breath out connection.
Change is happening
This is a good thing
This void, can now be filled with the power, waiting to flow.
breath in love,
breath out connection.
*Thank you to Thorn Coyle for her breathing meditation.
Friday, June 19, 2009
1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything PersonallyNothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make AssumptionsFind the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your BestYour best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
I heard my mother and father talk about this book and a one friend in particular that lived by those agreements. I read the book a few years ago, then I let the agreements slip into my subconscious. I have found that in the past 2 years, I have been focusing on communication, not making assumptions, and not taking things personally. (as an overachiever, I don't usually have the "do your best" issue, its usually, more of "go easy on yourself" thing). Not taking things personally is the hardest. It is so much more pronouced when I'm with my family, because either, I notice my instinctual behaviors more, they know my triggers, or I have grown some and they want old paradigms to work. Its probably a combination of all 3.
I had a lot of bad dreams last night. At one point, I brought my etheric bodies above me to hover over me like a mother bird. The winged me, held me and rocked me, asking me what was wrong. "I don't want to be alone. I don't want love to be taken away from me. I'm afraid for the future, what if I fall? There will be no one but me to pick me up." "I am here for you, you won't fall" winged me crooned.I relaxed and drifted, fluttering back into sleep, in the safe bossom of my home, my retreat, my fortress.
I keep the keys to my home, my inner sanctum and I am not alone. This tree is made of Love, bound by Love, and grown with care, communication, and Time.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
"Red, red wine.... you make it hurt so good" Uh yeah, Drank a wee bit too much, but got up twice in the middle of the night to drink gatorade, so I wasn't completely hung over yesterday.
Last night, however, I had a really productive dream cycle. At one point lots of people in my life were at my childhood home and my back-door-neighbor-adoptive-grandmother's house. There was a pregnant horse in the shed. It was a full moon and a huge snow storm. I was sure under those conditions she'd give birth. I was so worried for her as we wouldn't be able to get a vet out to us and we'd have to do it on our own.
The kids didn't know how to turn off the TV and it was really getting on my nerves. I realized that if you hit the zero "0" button and the fast forward at the same time "FF" that it would do the OFF function. Yay me. Yes, I have been reading about gemantria and other word games lately. It was kind of like a Star Trek control panel.
Other people were in and out of the house, we were welcoming anyone that needed shelter out of the storm. I was concerned about keeping the doors locked so that we didn't have unexpected, and possibly unsavory guests. It was quite the storm. But I couldn't wait to see the baby.
I've been dreaming a lot about that house and thinking about how my thought paradigms are completely changing. I like it that old things aren't what's replaying. Its new people, new situations, and quite often, I am the lady of the house and not a child within it.
Friday, June 5, 2009
I have such an incredible group that I'm working with in NJ. They have become my friends, my peers, my community, and *gasp* my students. We went through Chapter 10, Chicken Tarot, last night. Some had made flash cards, some had made charts. Everyone had been looking through their tarot cards. One even found that their tarot cards were printed incorrectly! I was so proud of her. She researched that it was in fact, an error, and decided that Lon was right and the deck was not. In fact, she was so annoyed at her old deck for being wrong, she's going to buy Lon's book on the Thoth Tarot, buy the Thoth Deck and start studying with that. She's also buying several Qabala of Tarot books. She'll be coming to my coven's open full moon this Sunday to get to know us a bit more.
The discussion led to modalities, astrology, the wheel of the year, tool correspondences, the witches pyramid. We even passed around my egg from my triangle of stillness to have people hold it and try to visualize it or keep the form in their heads with their eyes closed. It was an impromptu exercise, but it was nice to fit it in without making people feel like they were on the spot.They want more Qabala Tarot. I'm sure of that. I'm going to use tarot for the paths and as aids in the next series we're doing for the rest of the year. Then next year, 78 degrees of wisdom.
Watching everyone grow, get excited about the topics and the learning, and the hunger for the process is so inspiring and rewarding. Their willingness to help out, volunteer, and contribute to the process is humbling and I am so grateful. I had felt a lot of loneliness during my move north as everything changed. Sometimes I feel caught up in the winds of change as if I don't have roots, but seeing where and how my roots are gaining footing is a joy.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Biking has been one of the passions of my life. I haven't done much of it in the past few years. I've been concerned about safety being alone or in traffic.
I was thinking about the process of learning about it though. I fell, my dad was there, ready to pick me up and throw me back on the bike. I've fallen a few times in the past year. I've had a lot of people reading to dust me off, pick me up, encourage me and just be there for me. It's been such a help and I appreciate it so! I know I'll fall again, skin my knees, get back up, learn, rest, heal and get better. I excited for the process.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Yesterday I found myself running toward the gate that led to the yard we were having Beltane for the Fellowship. Sure enough, one of the members was there, needing someone to open the gate as her hands were very full! The following ritual was so beautiful!
Yes, you have to do the Work on your own. Yes, it can feel lonely. But, YES! you have a community, there waiting to support you if you are showing up. You have to be a part of it and open your heart to it. Speak up, speak your truth, your hopes, your visions and dreams! Someone else is holding your next Key. You won't be given the key unless you ask! Everyone is imperfect. Everyone makes mistakes or has scales over the eyes to one thing or another, but, we are growing, we are looking ahead. We are the divine, walking to manifest, physical bodies, growing and making change, realizing potential and creating Love and Enchantment. What love, what uniqueness, what contribution do you have to make? Love to you all, thank you so much!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
That was my thing. It still is, but on a whole different scale. I am really lucky to have a supported, gifted community of really talented teachers at my disposal. Along the way, I have seen my 2nd sight blossom and my awareness of the world(s), Gods, and our human existance expand. I grew used to frequent moments of syncronicity and people in my community all trying to do the Work, grow and help each other out along the way.
I have found myself in a new area and with a new group of magickal friends in addition to my beloved community and coven. One of my favorite authors Frank MacEowen, talks about how most people are asleep at the wheel, and calls them sleepwalkers. It is possible to go through the motions of life and not ever be aware of how large (and small at the same time) the universe really is and how broad the spectrum of life is as well. Much of psychic awareness is being aware of small ques. Some of it is signals you can pick up out of the air and the energetic fields of the people around you, and some of it is paying attention to facial expressions, body stances, and changes in patterns of behavior. All of this combines with gut feelings, dreams, nudges, call-it-what-you-will, and you seem to have these fabulous powers. I think that's really funny because in general I don't notice my awareness like that until I freak someone out!
My partners learn that they may get stern words from me for outbursts that they didn't have outloud. Projection people! On the scale of things, I'm not all that great at it either! O worry about my own sometimes dramatic emotional fluxes. Its hard to justify when you make decisions based on epheremeral impressions when you may not have words that logically back up your feelings.
But, lately I've been having fun with it. Someone asks me how I know something or how I was reading between the lines between the words someone used and what they actually were referring to or meant to imply. Especially in a magickal community, its fun when someone says "But, how did you know that?!!"
I'm a witch, ya know. Love to you all!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
I am so grateful for the people that support and share life's experiences with me. I had a relaxing and happy weekend with little deadlines and just good sharing with friends. One of my friends from Philly joined by boyfriend and I to go to Tahuti lodge for the Middle Pillar ritual. The ritual was nice, but not as big of a deal as I had thought. I also found out that other than the LBH ritual, I knew all of the pieces and techniques to the rituals. I enjoyed using the Hebrew in the ritual though as we've been spending so much time on that in Chicken Qabala. The other good news is that the ritual took care of the cramps I was having in my neck and shoulder. It is one more way for me to think about those techniques and try to work on the energetic issue I have with my neck freezing up now and then.
Listening to the men talk about Men's mysteries, I started to dream about the Women's mysteries in a way that I hadn't actively thought about it in a while. The funny thing is the subject has come up 3 times in the past week. It's a real need. I know what the end of 09 may look like as I start to prepare for that. (I have to wait for my next intiation which should be this year)
I've also been thinking about how you have to be the change you want to see in the world. This doesn't just go for internal work, but if you want something to happen, you have to do it. For me, this means I need to develop my workshop offerings now and really build a body of work. My journey isn't about keeping busy or always just having fun or experiencing ritual, its about contributing as well. Contributing doesn't mean exercises and activity, it means gifting in a way that isn't done in any other forum.
Despite many activities going on this year, much of my growth and change will be internal. Karate, painting, personal journaling as therapy are all about start back up again. This summer I'll be taking psychology classes as well to get ready for getting my masters in Art Therapy. Today, it occured to me that I could spend 40 hours a week, working, and doing something that I find satisfying and enjoyable. I better do it.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Its a learning process. I'm grateful that my relationship with them gets better over the years and did a lot of healing after I became an adult.
I didn't know pain, or heart ache or need until I opened my heart.
I didn't know seperation and loneliness until I felt the depth of initimacy and union that I now have so often. I feel so safe and secure, loved, appreciated, and yet she myself in his mirror in his frustration when I don't give myself enough credit.
We have spent so much time together in the past 1.5 years, and yet I feel, in some ways I barely know him. This rabbit hole is deep and will be forever I feel.
I feel myself falling down the well, falling endlessly into the cool, damp dark, to find myself, cradled among the stars and into everything, and nothing.
After my interview I didn't make a turn I needed to and got lost in Queens. I passed a highwway that looked like a good bet, called Q to help me out, then while I was waiting for him to get to a computer, stopped at a fast food place for a drink and the bathroom. Low and behold, there was a valknut on the toilet paper dispenser. Yes, that's the logo for SCA, but the timing was perfect.Last night I had a very weird dream of mixed up Celtic myth, Qabala, Thorn's Cd, and Norse cosmology.
I was in a pagent-like ritual and was looking at my script. I was the Norns and my names were Ivo, Oz, and Macha. Ooo boy. Weirdness. (pun intended). I was advising the king of his path and how to use his power in congruence with the land. Then I was laying out bibles in the glif of the Tree of Life and had parables, excerpts and riddles from each of them that in order to travel up the path you had to answer the riddle while standing on the bible. Yod comes to mind here. I was sitting there, knowing the riddles and tasks I was crafting needed to be intricate and well thought out. I knew I could do this but that it would take time, effort, faith and care. I was excited for my own task. These riddles I was preparing for a friend of mine whom I knew would enjoy the journey.
Friday, March 27, 2009
I am so excited to see people grasp onto new concepts and fly with them. It is so exciting!! I love this!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I see some of the most amazing sunrises over the New York City Skyline on the way to work. I see hawks and cormorants fly through the Meadowlands. I watch the wind tickle the water and sea oats. I see the changing seasons in this biome so close to one of the busiest places on earth. I find it an amazing juxtapostion between human activity and the quiet of the marsh.
Today, the sun was streaming through the clouds and reflecting off of some of the shiny buildings in the city. I could help but will a wish, "Please God, help me get a better job in the city. Help me break those barriers into that bustling art world of culture!" With a shock, I noticed my crown chakra open and pour energy up into my transpersonal chakra. I connected. The feeling, wish, prayer, what have you was fueled by my solar chakra and my heart and pushed up into a circuit toward the divine. It occurred to me, that these type of willful wishes and prayers are not to God (the all cosmic creator, unnamed lord of Christianity), but to our own higher power, our co-creator, our higher self. I sent my wish to my God of Self in alignment of Will and purpose.
Those streams of sunlight give me hope. Face shining, full of light, I look forward toward the future, change, and hope. Blessed be.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
I feel that I am starting the new cycle, the new wheel of 2009 with more action and change. This may not be a quiet year after all. Last year, the changes were of my external environment. So far this year they are internal. I likened it yesterday to feeling like I was walking around in a huge costume. The me inside was eclipsed by the outside mask to which everyone was paying attention.
Capricorn is the Cardinal, Fire of Earth Sign. It is the path between Hod and Tiphereth. I understand the imagery of reaching the highest reaches of mountains in this context. Then there is that pesky tail and that curling squiggle of the Capricorn glif. That squiggle curls back in on itself and jumps off the mountain, headed toward the depths of the sea. Swirling around in the darkness, the Capricorn learns to be more fish than goat.
I had a dream over 6 months ago where I jumped into the NY harbor into murkey waters to retreive a wad of money I saw below the surface. The message was: "When you do the dirty work and reach into the depths, great wealth awaits".
I am afraid of what will be shed while I search in the darkness of the underworld. I meet the Goddess and Esus in my dreams. There is no turning back, and yet, what will be the product of this tempering may not be recognizable. Silent footsteps in a silent world. I spread my wings and follow the memory of the Raven's cry.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Since Samhain, (October 31st, the Celtic new year) I started receiving the message of "let go, trust, give in entirely". Whether it be subverting the ego, trusting the Gods, or even just not trying to plan things, all of my lessons deal with trust and disengagement with outcome.
It is scary, unknown, and and grows in an utterly dark place, deep within the earth. I revisit the same old winter themes. Ravens, the Morrigan, Brigid--Keeper of my Hearth, culling for renewal, and dreams.
I suffer from Seasonal Affective Depression Disorder. I have moved yet again, further north and wait for the sun to return. I rest, and dream, like a tree. Hoping for gnosis in the dark.