Its a learning process. I'm grateful that my relationship with them gets better over the years and did a lot of healing after I became an adult.
I see some of the most amazing sunrises over the New York City Skyline on the way to work. I see hawks and cormorants fly through the Meadowlands. I watch the wind tickle the water and sea oats. I see the changing seasons in this biome so close to one of the busiest places on earth. I find it an amazing juxtapostion between human activity and the quiet of the marsh.
Today, the sun was streaming through the clouds and reflecting off of some of the shiny buildings in the city. I could help but will a wish, "Please God, help me get a better job in the city. Help me break those barriers into that bustling art world of culture!" With a shock, I noticed my crown chakra open and pour energy up into my transpersonal chakra. I connected. The feeling, wish, prayer, what have you was fueled by my solar chakra and my heart and pushed up into a circuit toward the divine. It occurred to me, that these type of willful wishes and prayers are not to God (the all cosmic creator, unnamed lord of Christianity), but to our own higher power, our co-creator, our higher self. I sent my wish to my God of Self in alignment of Will and purpose.
Those streams of sunlight give me hope. Face shining, full of light, I look forward toward the future, change, and hope. Blessed be.