Tuesday, June 23, 2009

floating above, ungrounded.
*breath in love, breath out connection.

panic, fear,
breath in love, breath out connection.

the fear isnt real
It is power,
waiting for an outlet.

Don't bottle it
breath in love, breath out connection.

stick to your Will,
plan, follow the future path
breath in love, breath out connection.

no limits
you are not trapped
breath in love, breath out connection.

Change is happening
This is a good thing
This void, can now be filled with the power, waiting to flow.

breath in love,
breath out connection.

*Thank you to Thorn Coyle for her breathing meditation.

Friday, June 19, 2009

4 agreements

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote a great little book called The Four Agreements. Those agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything PersonallyNothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make AssumptionsFind the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your BestYour best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

I heard my mother and father talk about this book and a one friend in particular that lived by those agreements. I read the book a few years ago, then I let the agreements slip into my subconscious. I have found that in the past 2 years, I have been focusing on communication, not making assumptions, and not taking things personally. (as an overachiever, I don't usually have the "do your best" issue, its usually, more of "go easy on yourself" thing). Not taking things personally is the hardest. It is so much more pronouced when I'm with my family, because either, I notice my instinctual behaviors more, they know my triggers, or I have grown some and they want old paradigms to work. Its probably a combination of all 3.

I had a lot of bad dreams last night. At one point, I brought my etheric bodies above me to hover over me like a mother bird. The winged me, held me and rocked me, asking me what was wrong. "I don't want to be alone. I don't want love to be taken away from me. I'm afraid for the future, what if I fall? There will be no one but me to pick me up." "I am here for you, you won't fall" winged me crooned.I relaxed and drifted, fluttering back into sleep, in the safe bossom of my home, my retreat, my fortress.

I keep the keys to my home, my inner sanctum and I am not alone. This tree is made of Love, bound by Love, and grown with care, communication, and Time.

Blessed be.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I've been sleeping a lot. My partner is on vacation, so I guess I might as well catch up on my sleep. Last night I went to bed at quarter after 9, and left until 7am. I did something similar to that yesterday, but my theme song for that night was

"Red, red wine.... you make it hurt so good" Uh yeah, Drank a wee bit too much, but got up twice in the middle of the night to drink gatorade, so I wasn't completely hung over yesterday.
Last night, however, I had a really productive dream cycle. At one point lots of people in my life were at my childhood home and my back-door-neighbor-adoptive-grandmother's house. There was a pregnant horse in the shed. It was a full moon and a huge snow storm. I was sure under those conditions she'd give birth. I was so worried for her as we wouldn't be able to get a vet out to us and we'd have to do it on our own.

The kids didn't know how to turn off the TV and it was really getting on my nerves. I realized that if you hit the zero "0" button and the fast forward at the same time "FF" that it would do the OFF function. Yay me. Yes, I have been reading about gemantria and other word games lately. It was kind of like a Star Trek control panel.

Other people were in and out of the house, we were welcoming anyone that needed shelter out of the storm. I was concerned about keeping the doors locked so that we didn't have unexpected, and possibly unsavory guests. It was quite the storm. But I couldn't wait to see the baby.
I've been dreaming a lot about that house and thinking about how my thought paradigms are completely changing. I like it that old things aren't what's replaying. Its new people, new situations, and quite often, I am the lady of the house and not a child within it.

Friday, June 5, 2009

putting down roots

I have such an incredible group that I'm working with in NJ. They have become my friends, my peers, my community, and *gasp* my students. We went through Chapter 10, Chicken Tarot, last night. Some had made flash cards, some had made charts. Everyone had been looking through their tarot cards. One even found that their tarot cards were printed incorrectly! I was so proud of her. She researched that it was in fact, an error, and decided that Lon was right and the deck was not. In fact, she was so annoyed at her old deck for being wrong, she's going to buy Lon's book on the Thoth Tarot, buy the Thoth Deck and start studying with that. She's also buying several Qabala of Tarot books. She'll be coming to my coven's open full moon this Sunday to get to know us a bit more.

The discussion led to modalities, astrology, the wheel of the year, tool correspondences, the witches pyramid. We even passed around my egg from my triangle of stillness to have people hold it and try to visualize it or keep the form in their heads with their eyes closed. It was an impromptu exercise, but it was nice to fit it in without making people feel like they were on the spot.They want more Qabala Tarot. I'm sure of that. I'm going to use tarot for the paths and as aids in the next series we're doing for the rest of the year. Then next year, 78 degrees of wisdom.

Watching everyone grow, get excited about the topics and the learning, and the hunger for the process is so inspiring and rewarding. Their willingness to help out, volunteer, and contribute to the process is humbling and I am so grateful. I had felt a lot of loneliness during my move north as everything changed. Sometimes I feel caught up in the winds of change as if I don't have roots, but seeing where and how my roots are gaining footing is a joy.