Friday, May 21, 2010

On the Plain Side of the Looking Glass

What did Alice feel after her strange adventures, when dreams were only dreams and life became incredibly dull again? If the black, slicked surface of that infamous glass spit her back out, does she become the daemon conjured? Or is it that she was banished from the fantastical realms of Wonderland? Did Alice resign herself to her duty as a woman of high status and fine moral character? Did she share her findings only to be imprisoned by society, thinking her mad? An eternal tea party with the March Hare? Or did she lock Wonderland in her mind, free to roam behind the mirror’s glare, beneath the dark waters of possibility? Did she still seek the Caterpillar to comfortably nestle within the tendrils of the opium’s vapors? Did she find herself helpless against becoming a Red Queen herself, a despot railing against the dross normality of her station? Did the Jabberwocky haunt her, stalking the corners of her mind and disturbing her sleep?

Poor child. No, I think she did acclimate to the ho hum drum world an annihilated it for its sheer perversity. Alice became an amazon of her world, a Lady Knight an Mistress of her realm. For don’t you see? Anything she came across was her realm, for wherever she was, she was there. A riot of stripes in red and black, hearts, clubs and spades, her wear was natty, dapper, and prim. Ribbon, and gathers, and buttons done up, but a feral wildness of Wonderland was unfettered within. Unruly curls would obscure her face for the Jabberwocky’s grasp kept her mind in a haze. Be mindful of Alice that queer, delirious dame, for what she has seen could sweep you away.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Solstice of the Soul

Yesterday I was thinking about how many times the idea that we die alone is portrayed in literature. There is a tension between turning toward our families for support, comfort and sharing the journey and the dark, quiet moments where we must turn inward.

I have always agreed that the really hard, personal work, no matter how close you are to people or how many loved ones you have, is done alone. Daily practice, meditation, shadow work, whether you are solitary or in a magickal working group, must be practiced alone. Those dark nights of the soul where we battles with our shadows, demons, fears, and challenges, take us to a place where no one can follow. We must face the Goblin king at the center of the dark labyrinth alone, for as Sarah in the Labyrinth says, “that is how it is done”. There is a truth here, and yet, the sentiment can also lead one astray into dead ends and false mirrors of unnecessary loneliness and despair.

Solitude is necesary for seeking within. The silence and wisdom of stillness, of waiting, of listening, is one of holding the strength of a strong dark space within. This dark space, the dan tien, is much like the center of a galaxy or universe, the black whole of perfect stillness and awesome power. Deep within that darkness, within and beyond the center is the source of your power as well.

It is necessary to sometimes turn away from the outward, the constant go, go, go of society. If we are only doing, there is no space for being. If we are only speaking and making and creating, there is no space for listening. The act of metaphorphisis happens in the binding confines of a cacoon. It takes time, stillness, and the courage to reduce oneself to a primordial goop that something new can be created from those base parts.

Being a contemplative and fiercely independent person, however, I find that I can sometimes go too far. I run out of torch light and then find myself bumping about in the dark, lost underground in the underworld of my own mind. It is these times where I have to wait and reach out for help. As I turn outward and have the audacity to cry out, to ask for help, help is always there. It is only when we don’t reach out due to fear, insecurity, or doubt that we condem ourselves to solitary prisons. In fact, there is more help that we could ever imagine.

My greatest lesson has been to learn to be crysalis goo. I have to be willing to let go, to break down, to cry. When we let go, and surrender to the process of becoming, of life, of transformation, then we are able to truly feel connection. It’s everywhere! The Unity of all things, the splendor of relationships, and the pervasive love of creation is waiting for you to reach out to it. This is a great Love, understanding, and compassion just waiting to reach us half way.

For as Doreen Valiente says in the Charge of the Goddess:

“I am the Gracious Goddess, who gives the gift of joy unto the heart of man.
Upon earth, I give the knowledge of the spirit eternal; and beyond death, I give
peace and freedom and reunion with those who have gone before. Nor do I demand aught in sacrifice; for behold, I am the Mother of all living, and my love is
poured out upon the earth.”

Falling into the Void is an illusion. There is only flight. There is only change. Reaching out requires us to be vunerable, yes! It’s scary to be a teary eyed pool of goo. Changing means that the old you, the comfortable, worn out, status quo has to die in the process.

Yet, it’s even scarier to be completely alone. Put down your armor, your defense mechanisms, and connect. Through reaching out to the pervasive emmanent divinity in everything you will find an exponential stream of blessings pouring out before you. There you will find a pathway to magick, to the Divine, to the Eternal. And in this way, there is divine in both everything around you and in you, but also above and beyond you.

“And thou who thinkest to seek for me, know thy seeking and yearning shall avail thee not unless thou knowest the mystery; that if that which thou seekest thee findest not within thee, thou wilt never find it without thee. For behold, I have been with thee from the beginning; and I am that which is attained at the end of desire.” ---Valiente

By turning within, we create the possibility of becoming more. The truth is we are never completely alone, never completely in darkness. By turning within we learn who we are that we can share that unique pulse of live outward with the world.

I feel I have no right to keep that pulse of life within or to hide it. This is our greatest challenge and greatest joy. This is our Work for a lifetime of one who walks the path between the worlds and lives the enchanted life of the witch.

Earlier this week I found myself singing "This little light of mine", a bible song I learned as a child. Honestly, it was the only one I liked. I thought about Thelema a lot this past weekend and find that song still, completely illustrates my feelings of shining your truth that it is shared with the world.

Echo the sun, be sun-like. Share in love and truth. Let your power be seen and celebrate it for all to see.

“for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals. And therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honour and humility, mirth and reverence within you.” ---Valiente

That's right, I'm gonna let it shine! Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine! Hail to the growing power of the sun, that you will share, and love and shine your truth as well.

Blessed be.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Hallucinating Pluto

All night long I spent chasing my shadow
Didn't Peter Pan have such a malady?
Release me from this dysthemic waltz,
a burlesque freak show of chaos.

Transitions in eternal twilight
how can this be?
Direction, destination unknown
The rods and cones hesitate.

no map, no guide, not even breadcrumbs
no stars, no navigator, no mythic mantra.
no electro magnetism, no gravity
the rules do not apply.
Alone, beneath the bitter sea.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Nosce temet and all that rot!

Change can be swift and at the same time when we are in the midst of change it can turn us around into completely different beings, leaving us completely unawares of its progress. I have found myself singing Thorn Coyle's God Waltz unconsciously for several weeks now. It goes:

Who is this flower above me?
and what is the work of this God?
I will know myself, in all of my parts.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I don't know the woman staring back at me. So much has changed that there is a different light coming through. From my perception, I look very different than I did a couple of years ago. Can we call this aging? That no longer do I have the plumpness of childhood babyfat or naievity of the innocent? Is that a smile line now permanently marking my mouth? Yes and no. I have reached a point physically where I don't have to negotiate and plead the person at the counter of a liquor store to let me buy a bottle of wine to complete my evening meal. I have desperately tried to gain the respect of an adult and finally have succeeded. Now I can let my hair down and just live.

At the same time I am suddenly feel more in control of my facilities, that my mind works in ways I ask it to and that my magick is suddenly, finally in the right gear. It was as if until this time, the gears clicked and never really made smooth transitions. I've spent the greater part of 30 years trying to be old enough. (Capricorns are born as little adults, don't you know). Now I feel like I am at an age where I can just live and not have to worry about what age, stature, or status I may or may not have.

Oh to let go of worry, of fear, of doubt! Trado ut Fuga indeed (my new moto if you didn't notice the update of my blog title. It means surrender to flight [I think Buzz Lightyear would approve]). The further I surrender to the process the easier it all is and the more life is showering upon me unending blessings. Maybe it is a matter of perspective, but its a perspective that I am digging into as much as possible. It is so freeing to be able to relax as if floating; floating on air in flight, floating in the water as if I were a lotus, floating beneath the earth in the embrace of dream-soaked sleep. ....gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

And I marvel, like a child fascinated with her reflection in a pool of water. Who is this shining dove? What is this amazing process of unending transformation? I don't know. It's beautiful. I fly, I coast, I soar. Day and night, stars and sun, circling over the sea. The white day star shines over me, never leaving me, guiding me at the center of my universe.

Everything was true. Everything I hoped for, feared, and doubted. It was all true. This is faith. And my belief and faith in the world(s) grows ever larger. Something is becoming. Each step brings it closer. I can feel it electrically dancing around me. I am the creator of something new, something Spring, something Now.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Just wanted to share that an article based on a blog post I did a few months ago is the top featured article on Witchvox this week. Goody!