Finally I have something to say.
For a month or two I have been so busy and bogged down in packing, moving, unpacking, and separating my life that I just didn’t have the energy or time to contemplate my navel. Now I know that life is not ending, but it is just that a new story was working up to start.
During a panel discussion at The Crucible this weekend I mentioned that when times get tough, it is worth it to sit with the feelings for a while. Underworld work is worthwhile work. It is both challenging, scary, and very healing. When we are at the lowest place on earth, crying, keening, sleeping, moping are all worthwhile as we review where we are, how we got there, and what has to change.
Underworld Goddesses are patient, compassionate, and deeply loving. They allow us to unburden ourselves from pain and suffering, then move back to the joy and light of the living. At a Mabon ritual I attended, hosted by Moonfire, Hades told me to remember what brings we joy this year and not step into the darkness this cycle. Hesitantly, I am doing so.
Today, I read an amazing article by Garrison Cohen, of Elephant Journal.
In relationships we all enjoy the fun, light, playful, juicy exterior of knowing someone. And then when we come to a breakdown (the pit) we want to throw it away, ignore it, treat it as worthless. The majority of the time we see “the pit” of relationship as a waste of our time, not what we want, not fun anymore.
I believe we’re missing the point.
Just as the pit is the source of life for the fruit, breakdowns are the source of life for the relationship. Not just your relationship with him or her—but your relationship with everything and everyone, including yourself.
If we run from the breakdowns, we simply stay on the surface where we can only have light, fun experiences. When we allow ourselves to really experience the breakdowns, we start to see the core of who we really are. This can feel scary and vulnerable and yet, only by embracing the source of life can we continue to grow.
More often than not it is in the breakdown (the pit) that we find access to more life.
Last spring I was pretty sure I was having a total meltdown in my life that was close to being a nervous breakdown. During this time I spent enormous amounts of time alone doing nothing in silence. In that stillness, the answer I kept getting was, that this was the only way for me to change enough to complete the current lesson and move on to the next stage.
In August I started Yoga. Through this, Ganesha took me up and became my sponsor for the next stage. I was ready to go through the new doorways and he was holding them open for me. In Yoga, I started seeing all the butterfly metamorphosis analogies.
Having a meltdown means that you are melting down the old so that the new can be forged, tempered, and shaped anew. I need a bit of polish, but I am starting to shine.