Thursday, December 17, 2009

And on that note

Here's another post about the same thing I was just talking about. Why is it on days like this we feel like we're being talked to personally?

Integration of Parts of Self

One of the main goals of the practitioner is awareness, control, and integration of the different parts of self. There are several categories these can follow such as:

Thorn Coyle uses: Sticky One, Shining Body, and Sacred Dove
Reclaiming: Younger Self, Talking Self, and Higher Self
Hebrew: Nefesh, Ruach, Neshama, Chaya, Yechida
SOL: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual (planes of existence)
Elemental: Body, Mind, Heart, Soul, and Spirit.

Whatever the names or the exact system, all of these are focused on harmonizing and integrating, becoming aware, and living in a conscious, fluid, and healthy way. The balancing and healing of those parts allow one to reach further through the planes, live more successfully and healthily and evolve on our spiritual path.

Often one reads of awakening into magickal existence or full living. For me, I sought for many years on a hope, a dream, a wish that there was something more. As my practice broadened and deepened, like a flower opening, existence did the same. There was so much more to be aware of, to learn, to celebrate, share, and work toward.

One thing I have struggled with is letting my conscious self let go in order to let my younger self and higher self take the reins. Last night I found some success with that endeavor. Through music, dancing, art making, journaling, and scrying I engaged the flow of life. The message bubbling up kept urging me "Let go, trust, have faith!"

I stand at the beginning, of a life of so much more engagement. All I have to do, is refuse to shut myself off from it. Yes, it is scary. Yes I risk failure, and yet, if I listen to those other parts of me, there is no risk for it cannot fail.

Even in the still, coldness of winter is life, turning and yearning within the seeds in the ground. Within the DNA deep within the seeds of promise, I look to the future and will walk into my birthright.

Blessed be.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Growing pains?

There is an amazing thing about growth and the process of learning. It doesn't have to hurt or be uncomfortable. How often are we given advice by our elders, our loved ones, or even ourselves that we just don't know how to integrate and put into practice until we are ready? It seems so often that we are not ready for this act of integration until we have been exposed to the concept in several ways, hundreds of times, or over the years. I may never know what the catalyst is that finally precipitates into a new realization, but I have found that, thank the Gods I am learning faster and easier as time goes on.

I have not been suffering from SADD yet this year. I am not sure it is even luck. I have not had to sleep more often, change my diet into something that is ascetic, tasteless, and boring. I have not had to cancel activities. In fact, I'm enjoying the ramp up to Yule this year for the first time since I was a small child. It is not warmer, sunnier, nor do I have less stress in my life. I have found that lately, as I feel hopeless, alone, uncared-for, or down, that I have for the most part, been able to name that feeling "tired". Its okay to be sleepy or tired! Its okay to be emotionally weary for sure. When I have been able to pinpoint the nature of my feelings, it has been much easier to give myself a break and move through it. I accept and honor my feeling but not necessarily become servant to it not drop everything to cater to it.

Last night, after a very full day of meetings, socializing, planning, kids, and a completed sewing project, I found myself not hungry, nor lonely, nor bored, but just weepy and generally hormonal. My partner and I had a good time, watching a movie, but mainly talking and spending time together doing nothing. We talked about my feelings a bit, and I had the space to just exist in the feeling without having fear of it taking over, nor really needing to do anything about it. As I let the feeling expand, I realized that the discomfort was from only allowing myself to feel within my physical flesh boundaries. I expanded the feeling a couple of layers out. It started to feel better. I opened up a channel of my chakras and ran the feeling through me and out. I wasn't dispelling or dismissing the feeling, but letting it flow. My hormone level increased, my awareness increased, I felt weepy, but then I also felt tapped in. Much of my problems lately had been from squeezing too much into too small of a space. I am more than my physical form.

This may seem obvious to metaphyical minded folks, but to know it in my head, but then transferr it into energetic practice were two different things. Much like I have allowed myself to be in ritual, I began, in a mundane space, to exist as my magickal self; integrated, connected, flowing, larger, more powerful.

This idea connected to something bothering me in my work life. People who know me personally see me as driven, assertive, and sometimes as a dominate personality or a hot head, and yet at work, I am seen as submissive, eager to please, easy going, and laid back. I feel shy often at work and in personal settings have felt less and less shy or inhibited. Like an insect that has to break open its skin to grow, I have been wearing armor that has been too tight, unyeilding, and unflexible. Impervious yes, but not dynamic nor adaptive.

Today, at first I still felt melancholy, but as I woke up and began to act in my world, I realized that indeed more of me was active and flowing. I remembered my experience in Binah, and recalled holding the Pearl of my dreams for this lifetime. I had more time in the morning to acomplish things. I felt empowered to do what was needed in my day and less concerned with the inequities of my job environment or the world.

Grace. Ah, yes. I drove past a bald eagle and felt as if it was aknowledging me eye to eye. I felt no fear today, nor pain. The frustration of the year of challenges was finally starting to settle in. I was starting to master within myself new ways to approach and use my own energetic fields.

The Empress, Strength, and Temperance.

Carry on.