Sunday, August 18, 2013

Finding Peace in the Flow

Isn't it funny how sometimes things just pop into place? You bang your head against an invisible brick wall for months, and then suddenly, you walk around the wall, aren't frustrated at all, and you just move past it. 

I went to the gym Friday, a regular gym.  Not a gym of Wolverine or the Hulk, but a normal, civilized gym.  It was quiet.  The people were zoned out like they were on a plane.  The music was quiet.  I am a noisy, groaning, and moaning woman!  I did my thing, focused on my form, my intensity, my breathing, and people watched the mad woman groaning as I sweated through my workout.  

The hot yoga was my breakthrough.  It has been changing me; physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically.  It dovetails so nicely with my beliefs that its easy to feel engaged and connected with it.  Actually it reminds me an awful lot of sweat lodge--the focus, the intent, the heat, and the solitary struggle with others present.  I feel my pH changing over the course of a class.  I have been majorly detoxing to the point I'm having to change my diet as everything tastes differently.  I am drinking a ton of water and supplementing with teas and various foods as my intuition dictates.  Friday night I literally pulled pine needs of a pine tree at meditation class in order to make a tea out of them when I got home.  I went through months of not being able to drag myself to the gym to suddenly I can't wait to go as often as possible and it has become the highlight of my day. 

Ganesha is still visiting too.  I'll dedicate a full post to him later.  

I know, corny, but that really is how I feel right now!  

One thing I've tried to do a lot more is engage in what I'm doing and be present rather than trancing out all the time.  That was one of the big lessons from A New Earth, by Eckert Tolle. 

I got it into my head a few weeks ago that instead of feeling like dinner was a huge burden that my household puts on me by attrition, that I would create the "40 Freezer Meals in 4 Hours" that I found on Who Needs a Cape.  Because I don't try anything, I have to dive in head first into the deep end to find out what the FULL EXPERIENCE is like!  Well it didn't take me 4 hours, try 9.  I also had a migraine the whole time.  I didn't ever want to do food prep again and I was trashed the next day from the work.  Its been great to grab stuff from the freezer to put dinner together, however, most crock pot cooking is not the same quality as home-made stove cooking.  I find that I enjoy the process of cooking, when I have the time and energy that is.  The freezer meals have allowed me to cook on my terms when the mood strikes, mindfully. 

So, waiting, wondering, holding space.  I am constantly trying to be present in the now as well as be flexible and flow.  Past all the fear, the doubt, the regret, the grief, I am finding peace in the flow and trusting in the process.  


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