I have found that I am less invested in interactions, in a healthy way. I can maintain my boundaries with confrontation, getting bent out of shape, or even needing to explain myself. Recently I had a flat conversation with someone that ended with me knowing my message was not heard, possibly not even my words remembered or processed consciously at all. At first, I felt guilty for not trying harder to communicate and make sure I my meaning was understood. Then I was able to release it, step back from it, and realize that those who are not listening, will never hear you. Those who have not ears to hear.... I decided I was not responsible for their process, what they think they heard or wanted to hear instead. It completely wasn't my problem. Or as Jeff, my therapist would have said, NMFP (not my f-ing problem). This realization that not only did I understand but was able to put into action, not reaction, was like releasing one of Jacob Marley's shackles. This has been an ongoing struggle for me in my life. Several instances of this issue have surfaced in the past month for me with various people.
I don't need anyone to agree with me, understand me, listen to me. I've seen people react to me who practice this energy. It used to unnerve me and I would misread it. I get it now.
I have no idea what I'll be doing 5 years from now. So much is changing. Being a witch is in my bones, that is part of me no matter what form my practice takes. I am creative and am overjoyed with the creative process that is rising from the ashes this year. I am thrilled with the Educational endeavor I am on with the Assisi Institute. As I go to new places and meet new people, I am finding that social anxiety is not going with me. I am not trying to make grand plans for the future but follow my bliss and follow the energy of creating presence-- the joy that unfolds when you are engaged in purpose.
There are a few things guiding me along the way:
I am patient and gentle with myself
Am I being mindful? Am I fully present?
Am I breathing?