Who's to say?

"I will see you again but it will only be in dreams," said Alice.
"What's real and what isn't.  Who's to say?" replied the Hatter knowingly.

Last night I dreamt that my mother visited me.  She apologized for wearing her pajamas.  She said it was hard to find her clothes to make the journey across.  She did have her hair though so she didn't look too bad off to me. 

She gave me a long hug and we both got a little misty around the eyes.  Then with her hands grasping my arms, she said, "You have a good life." 

I thought this morning, "eh, it was just a dream."

Until I saw Alice Through the Looking Glass.

Who's to say?

indeed. 

Waiting

I had a dream last week I was living in a storage container.  It was a really sad dream, but understandable since I have moved 15 times in my adult life (16 years) and am planning another move in 2 and a half months. 

I feel like I'm in limbo, just waiting for the next stage of my life to start up.  At least I know what direction I'm going in and there is a plan now. 

I used to be so sure of myself.  I wrote articles and poetry will some success.  Now, I feel like I've lost both my audience and my voice.  I don't know what I have to say.  I don't know what I believe in and what I'm supposed to be doing with it.  I am afraid of scorn as my only reception to my work.  I also wonder if blogging is hubris if it is personal in nature. Yet, I find that the books that touch me the deepest are deeply personal in nature.

Once I get through all this transition, I have a memoir to write.  I don't know when that will be. I know it has to be when I can write without a self-righteously angry tone anymore. 

Am I no longer willing to take risk for the sake of my art? How should I be spending my energy this summer?  How do I feel inspired when I am a participant, not just an observer?  What role does the divine play in my life?

And finally, a quote I came across today, "Grief has no face."  - Cheryl Strayed.