This is my favorite music video at the moment. I think the dance is just so expressive. I have spend the past one and a half years mourning, purging, healing, and thinking about love and relationships. The tears are long over and the pain is gone. I can't say I'm not a little disgruntled, but that's okay. That tells me I'm keeping my eyes open and not suppressing my feelings.
My family is going through a lot lately. Growing old is not for sissies and my parents are certainly getting a boatload of challenges with my mom dealing with chemo and stage IV cancer.
I have to say I don't feel broken and empty anymore. I don't feel the need to go find someone either. Sure, I get lonely and cuddling on the couch a watching a movie with someone would be good. Cuddling is good. Financial autonomy is good too. I'm really looking forward to the psych classes I'm taking this spring semester. I'm looking forward to putting together an updated portfolio and even, studying for the GRE's.
One of the books that made the biggest impression on me this year was Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert. She did a lot of reflection and research into the institution of marriage to write that book. Another book on the biology of sexuality that I read this year was Sex at Dawn. I am excited to see what further theories evolutionary psychologists and anthropologists come up with.
My buddy Paul and I were talking about my choice to be alone. Between my desire to have someone who is responsible, smart, magickally inclined, and good looking, that excludes, oh I don't know, 98% of people. That's okay. I'm not willing to settle anymore. I have too much to offer this world to be wasting my time, money, and tears on anything less that soul dancing. I have too much to do, to learn, to experience, to see, to be willing to squander it on the cruel, the manipulative, the games. I've got to many planets in my house of work to be playing silly games or to be played.
Yay for turning 33!
Paul also shared this article today. Something Better Than Finding a Soulmate Healthy. It's such a novel concept!
I can't figure out if I want to paint or to dance.
Smile, hug someone, laugh. It's good for you.