On a late Sunday morning I stepped through gates of light into a dissolution of light and water. The vibration and brilliance was blinding. In joyous embrace I walked into a new reality. And left the old universe behind. This was a minute or two of a realm I had never touched before. During the next three years I spiraled inward. The first year consisted mainly of practical matters of worldly roles and responsibilities of priesthood. The second year was a spiral downward in panicked fear, isolation, and a turning away from the material in hopelessness, despair, and depression. There was a break, an expulsion from Eden if you will that forced me to move forward utterly alone. Alone for the first time completely I must add. In the haze of being unmade, I hoped there was purpose of the rubble. In the still, quiet, I sat. I let go; of loved ones, goals, physical belongings, expectations.
In this space, came Joy. Through the tears came laughter. The light of life fed me, and I grew in a new way and was born into a new life. The next step, is being integrated as we speak, the soft shell grows strong again, ready for new challenges. Blessings flood in and abundance abounds.
The lesson was the anthethsis of my 2nd degree lesson. Did I make the wrong choice when I chose to sacrifice myself for the service to the whole, to others? Or was it that I needed to see the further outcome of that path in order to be able to make a different choice later on? That contradictory choice later was more sophisticated and more conscious that the confused painful choice that had been made earlier. I believe that the second choice would not have been understood had the struggle of the earlier one not been played out.
The gateway of light in my 3rd degree initiation, by my doing, made it necessary to reform my reality entirely. Isn't this what we ask for on the path of initiation? Change, growth? Do we give ourselves completely to the force of magick, or are we getting our toes wet, just dabbling? For now, I am giving myself over to patience, time, and sunlight. The Gods wil do their work and I have returned to speaking their messages, just as I am destined to do.