Crystallization

I shift I move I glide I dance
And now in the darkness I wait for the dawn.

It seems that Pluto always has some other challenge for me. On a Path where I asked for accelerated growth, evolution, and change, I find that the dust has barely settled from one challenge before the next is upon me. In a way, a lot of this is because once level of change begets another. Leaving one stage behind, implies the foresight and challenges of the next stage. Yet, one wouldn’t have reached the landing without having the ability to develop and hone the tools necessary to function at that level. At Beltane, the Scorpio moon gifted me with a ton of support of a great group of people, still in the process of crystalizing around me. I found that the depth of support and community that was growing in my harbor was much more than I had before relied upon. I was comforted by my comrades that they don’t expect me to be superhuman nor bigger than life. Last year’s process of trials and hardships and foundation building is starting to pay off. I look to the rest of the year and to many years beyond of a Great Work built upon a strong foundation of diligence, discipline, and Tradition.

At the moment I have a break from the stress of Pluto’s harsh engagement. I am learning to more consciously trust my intuition. It’s usually right, even when everyone is scowling at me. I am also learning a lesson about faith and belief and how core those tenants are to the continued health of the practitioner along the Path.

I’m sure there are many posts to follow about faith and belief. It’s something I’ve never had a problem with but something that I should elaborate on as I see the struggles others have with belief. Last night I watched an episode of Once Upon a Time, a TV show about storybook characters that my husband and I have been enjoying. Pinocchio says to the heroine, “Denial is so strong in you that you refuse to see the truth, even when it’s right in front of you!” The amount of force and power we allow ourselves is dependent on the extent to which we believe in ourselves and our right and ability to make changes in the world. I say often to people that most of the limits in our lives are based on the self-imposed ones we force upon ourselves. Most of the time people just stare at me blankly in response. I assume that they are going through the internal rebuttal of “but, you don’t understand, I can’t, but, but, but!”

The day you spend more time on the baby steps of progress that you can do and not on the excuses, limitations, and negative self-talk, is the day the door to the staircase of power, evolution, and gnosis will open.

Or as the trainer at Crossfit ACT said yesterday, “ignore it [the discomfort] and just keep going!” Right, I knew that! My will was gone, but I had a heck of a lot of people encouraging me and got me through it when I thought I couldn’t. Yesterday my soul got stronger. Will yours today?

The Signposts to Growth and Wisdom

My former High Priestess introduced me to the tongue-in-cheek phrase –Oh joy,” another f-ing growth opportunity!” (AFGO) It is well known that Wicca is a path of accelerated growth and evolution. One faces the depth of his or her naked soul and learns, in the spirit of the epithet of the Temple of Delphi, to “know thyself” in this process. Some of the benefits of coven work are that one has a lot of support, and mirroring during this arduous and grueling growth process. Over the course of personal work, however, one gains better fluidity of the parts of themselves and therefore also is able to uncover hidden power that prior was inaccessible. The best covens create an environment where truth, support, the team spirit, and accountability balance as the members share their experience within a shared context of the group.

Does this process happen during the moments of crisis or the fluxes we call “the dark night of the soul?” Yes and no. This process has critical moments, as well and regular cyclical fluxes. The growth happens both at moments like personal “ah-ha” moments as well as challenges and trials, aka the dreaded growth moment. Growth is able to occur not from the accelerated, intense outpouring of energy at focused times, but from the structure and background of the commitment to daily practice. Meditation, prayer, study, energy work practicing, personal ritual, etc. and those things that make up what build the magickal practitioner’s power and competency. It isn’t reading or attending powerful rituals, it’s the daily work of personal work and commitment to the little things. Those little things build in big ways over time.

Exactly when it’s not “fun,” When you don’t feel like it, when you feel alone, those are the exact moments where opportunity awaits you to seize the day and learn about yourself, life, and the grand order of the Universe in all of her mysteries. When the going gets rough…, you’re growing. I could recite a million clichés here, but I think I’ve illustrated my point. Wisdom awaits you at the end of a long journey of embodied knowledge and ability. It is called the craft of the Wise after all!

13 moons

13 moon and it has just begun
And Eah Binah ge

Silly girl, why name yoursel such a sad lonely thing.

Yes, Mum, the rabbit hole goes so much further than I ever could have imagined.

The dark of the moon, the descent begins.

Not madness, true life dawns. Burn the compass brighter.


Turn the page.

Tillin' time

Yesterday in class I mentioned a bumper sticker I have on my car that has an Aleph, the first Hebrew letter with the words "the work is in the mundane".  I was referencing our work on this earth; the laundry, dishes, exercise, proper sleep, work, caring for kids.  That work is the work.  The day in, day out routine of plain old work.  Being diligent and aware in this environment is the way of life. 

This morning though, the thoughts that came to me had taken it a little farther.  Aleph, uruz, and Aries.  It is Ostara time after all!  This early spring has everyone revved up.  Are you going to buzz about like a mad top and spin your energy out with no direction and no purpose?  Or are you going to yoke your ox to the till and do the work that is needed for planting?  I know what my answer is.  What's yours?

Northern Spring Magick

I sure am ready for Spring.  Order of the World Tree is really excited to be prepping for our upcoming biggest event of the year, Northern Spring Magick.  This will be the first time in 7 years that the Cernnunos ritual will be offered in New Jersey.  Its going to be a blast, but don't take my word for it, here's Jason Miller's recommendation:

http://www.inominandum.com/blog/?p=754

http://owt.sacredwheel.org/NorthernSpringMagick.html

Come in and hail spring with us with a great day of teaching and a ritual.  Io Evohe!

Limitations are false

So, 3 weeks ago I joined a cross fit gym and its like I unburied a huge lost piece of myself.  My winter depression melted away and suddenly my knees quit hurting.  I've lost 3 pounds and I feel really good.  Hello libido?  you're back!  LOL.  Anyway, what's been interesting is though I've never done heavy lifting before, and I can't say right now that my strength is what it should be, it feels right.  It feels really good.  I feel like what Craig called my "explosive dwarf" body is made for this.  I have goals, tucked away, that I'm afraid to voice, but here it goes:

I want to be able to do 20 unassisted pullups again, be able to pop up and down in a head-stand/hand-stand combo that I used to be able to do and do 144 pyramid pushups.  I was able to do this 4 years ago.  I used to be a gymnast, I used to be a long distance mountain biker, I used to be a martialist.  I want it back.  All that is holding me back is what I think I can do and what I allow my body to do for me.  The lead trainer of the "box" (the Cross Fit term for gym) told me last week is "You have a lot of power and force, you just have to find it and let it out".  Talk about bowl you over.  I've heard that one before!  At that moment I was in the zone, and Spirit was speaking to me with exactly what I needed to hear.

The thing is, that statement is not just true for my physical capabilities or just true for me.  Its true for us all.  Are we willing to push past the comfortable limitations and find our dark, angry, raw, transformative, fiery power?  Hell yeah!  Your current limits are false.  They are based in fear of change.  They aren't based in fear of failure cause if you keep at it, over time, you won't fail!  That's called learning and growing!  It's inevitable.  Fear comes from the weight of self-responsibility and walking in power in this world.  What if you have the very thing someone needs to be the critical turning point in their life path?  Guess what?  You do have that power.  Stop thinking about why you aren't good enough and all the excuses for what's stopping you.

Make possibilities come alive.  There are many more than you could possibly imagine.  Go get it.  Do.  You won't fall when you realize you can fly.

A third of the way around the Temple of Saturn

Around this time of year I look back at what came of the previous year and see how I feel going forward into a new one. This past year was a whirlwind of things changing, coming to fruition and reorientations to my place in the world. On the last day of the year, I have one more celebration, my 30th birthday party, to usher in the New Year, and a new stage in my life.

I don’t know exactly what I was expecting, but I got more than whatever that was; 3rd degree initiation, introduction into leadership in the Assembly, a new coven of 13 and growing, my hand fasting, the larger role of featured presenter at Fall Frolic, and my first book published.

One thing about getting older that I’ve really enjoyed so far is that even though bad times and heart ache happen, it’s not as acutely painful. You’ve been down that road before and life moves on, time heals, and you learn from your mistakes, hopefully. I knew, even as a teenager, that when I gained independence that life would be more reasonable. Being able to organize my life and friends as I wished and conduct my household according to my own sense of propriety has been an on-going learning opportunity but a relief as well. For example, I found that my childhood’s home household cleaners, and Eastern Shore mold, corn and pine pollen, were the main source of my allergies. The more time that passes, the better I am able to understand the difference between what people say and their actual underlying impulses that make up their motivations.

Starting this summer, (or was it earlier?) I found myself lacking luster for my life, going through the motions and reaching for a helping hand that just never seemed to be there. Life the Ace cards in the tarot, I kept expecting that hand to appear out of nowhere and help me up, instead I kept treading water and waiting as land didn’t seem to be in sight. It’s been like a dream though. Just when I lose sight of what to do, knowing that I can’t tread water forever, a different level of consciousness takes over and a new dream starts. There isn’t resolution to the old dream but I have a moment of rest and don’t have to despair in the last dream’s moment.

The Goddesses I worked with this fall gave me enlightening and productive experiences. Modron helped me to let go of other people’s drama. I have to live my life and walk my path. I have my own burdens and she reminded me that other people’s issues are their problems, and not my burden to bear. The best any of us can do is live by our own ideals with honor and integrity and let the rest of the world make their own choices.

Hecate gave me a new perspective on the pathways through the underworld. I enjoyed donning the cloak of the light in the darkness rather than wandering through the dark. I also realized that I had shifted fully into the Mother aspect in my life and am no longer “maiden”. I enjoyed revisiting the surge of ferocity of the Maiden. It’s funny how high school and early twenties can be so harsh and austere. At least that was my experience of it. Now, I am starting to have a little more understanding of the way things work, which are never fair, but are often predictable.

So many of the songs I’ve been hearing on the radio lately talk of the gentle spring/summer of childhood (Adele Someone Like You) or Green Day’s When September Ends. Maybe different people have a different experience. I can’t say my childhood itself was all that bad, but my acclimation to the world was not a comfortable one. Maybe my experience was more like the Cruxshadow’s Winterborn, or a Celtic tale of the stolen child hidden in shadow in the underworld until they came into their power in full adulthood.

Life is what you make of it, but if you haven’t noticed, fairy tales are pretty dark too.