This was never the plan.
But I guess since it’s here,
I’ll stay strong where I stand.
I'm falling apart
My name used to be grace
But now if you call me
Just call me misplaced
I feel with my core
No more with my hands
I see through a blindness
You don't understand
I reach for the quiet...
I live on what's left”. – Ego Likeness
Sometimes when everything this seems static and you seem trapped, you are not looking at the change that is needed in the appropriate way. I came to such a point a couple of weeks ago. At the pointed tail of winter, everything seemed to be made of the ragged, cold daggers of icicles. The earth demanded change deep within and shuddered, causing all the ice that had formed on the bridges and windows of the world to shatter. The depth of silence that followed was as if the Earth herself was holding her breath. Rather than look at the broken pieces underfoot, I looked up into the sky and saw a raven headed toward my home. You can push in one direction for change and find that you are pushing against a wall. No matter how much you push, you won’t budge the stones that were set into their thick mortar.
I had been given a message at Imbolc to exalt the Gods through my movement. The Morrigan challenged me to delve into my practice in a way I had never done before, that I should be more blood thirsty and truly experience practice.
Everything then fell apart. And in the depth of stillness, I found a voice. That voice showed me that my next step for personal transformation was sublimation. My normal fires of desires stilled, becoming more subtle and refined. Through the practice and work that awaits me I sublime my practice. The word sublime comes from the Latin root sublimare, to raise up, to exalt. There again, my work will be that of exaltation, change, and deep transformation.
The path ahead of me is sure, and good. I am embarking on a path of healing, prayer, and meditation. I will be doing self-reflection, learning, review, and change. I am looking forward to the work ahead in the moments of each passing now. I don’t have goal markers or a map. I do not have a timeline for the work ahead, but I know that it is one of deepening faith, compassion, change, growth, and connection with the Gods. It is the Fool becoming the Magician. It is the Hermit going away from the Tower. It is Death leading the way to the Star. May I be an empty cup holding each moment of Now for this new beginning. May the time allow sublimation that leaves salt, sulphur, blood, and quintessence.