Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sticking One's Neck Out

I've taken a little bit of a break for the past few weeks not blogging, not writing articles. I've been very busy living. Priestessing, teaching classes, leading my study group... All those things are par for the course. I've also found myself stretching who I am, how I define myself, and how I have been living. I've been daring to have experiences I wouldn't have dreamed of in the past. I stripped on stage in a gay bar in New Orleans and danced myself silly in my underwear and a latex neck tie. I've been flirty and outgoing, chatty--I've been having fun and letting go. I'm living as the quirky, queer person I am without excuses, shame, or guilt. There just isn't time nor space for shame or guilt in my life.

My dreamworld has changed lately too. Dreams of passing through worlds, meeting new people, and shape-shifting into animals, speaking with animals, and flying. Both in dreams and in waking I find myself falling into the abyss within the eyes of another. This is not oblivion, but pure connection--Oneness.

Yet, in contrast to the incredible experience life is, I struggle. I struggle with the challenging boundaries and hard-knock lessons of Saturn. I struggle with the long nights of the dark time. I struggle with the separation that is existence in Malkuth. Because I call my yearly struggle SADD (Seasonal Affective Depression Disorder) it is as if giving the struggle a name should explain it out of reality. This is not a failing on my part to be spiritual, connected, or positive enough. This is part of my challenges in this lifetime. I'm okay and others understand and are gentle with me. Saturn is forcing me to gain new perspectives and look for different types of solutions. SADD too, has a solution and I'm going to find it.

I share because our human-ness, our struggles, and fears need voice. We are not alone in this human experience. We are in it together, all a part of this great spinning sphere we call Earth.

1 comment:

  1. Congrats on stretching yourself. I go through periods of stretching and then periods of rest and just being. It sounds like you're living a life with exuberance and having it be a celebration, which it should be.

    I'm due for some stretching myself, I think.

    As always, I enjoy reading what you share. I'm glad you do.

    I don't have SADD, but I have Bipolar Disorder and have been in a cycle of anxiety and depression recently. The shifting light is only accentuating it.