Last night I had a heavy and productive dream cycle before I arose. I had a dream where I was in high school again, but I was the current me, not the high school me. I was in gym (horror of horror--You know for someone who has been a semi-athelete their whole life, I do have a lot of horrific memories about gym class), and we were playing basketball. I was standing off to the side, happy to run the ball, but really didn't want to shoot. I was looking at the hoop (it didn't have a net--interesting because I was thinking earlier this week about magickal practice without safety nets) and decided that in the big scheme of things, whether or not I failed a basketball test didn't matter in the least. Then I realized I was barefoot. That alone didn't bother me, but I thought that I might get my toes stepped on and I wasn't really being appropriate for the situation. So I put my shoes on, which happened to be my platform stompy goth boots. ROTFLMAO! Of course those shoes put black marks everywhere. I tried to stomp them out, making it worse, then left, deciding to look for my sneakers in my locker. I found one shoe, not helpful. The bell rung, so I went to my next class. It was something dry, horribly tedious, and again, didn't matter to me anymore. It was busy work being given by an unintelligent, apathetic, burnt out teacher. But, I found my sneaker under my desk. I went to the coat closet or locker room to change. I started pulling out art projects for what seemed to be a college art class. My high school crush was there, naked. His body look quite like my ex-husband though. I thought about telling him I was going to Shanhai him into the back of the closet and have my way with him, but decided to have a bit of self-restraint. He showed me a project we were working on in Chemistry that had a diorama of a suburban town with some weird stuff thrown in; Harry Potter's house, an Olmec pyramid ruin, a volcano, and some dinosaurs. I wondered if we could remotely set up an astral temple inside the pyramid to work it. I put the thought aside as I was keen on getting back to the gym to insist that I scrub up the mess I made on the floor. I decided that there was no reason to just feel bad about it, I should do something.
There's a lot going on in that dream. Putting things into context, especially trauma of the past, doing things I don't care about as a means to an end, lusting for a fantasy and then discovering the truth of reality, taking responsibility of one's actions whether intentional or not... I think being barefoot was because I declared yesterday that I was going back to karate. There was also symbolism about hindering myself from engaging my sexuality and keeping it locked in the closet. I like the idea of using models for ancors to astral temples. That should be fun to play with. There's even an element of dealing with what I have by being practical rather than being ultra conscious of being like everyone else and fitting into the norm. A lot to think about. I'm glad that some part of my psyche is dredging through this stuff in a way I can be conscious of.