Sunday, October 11, 2015

So much energy, so little focus

And now for something completely different...and serious...

Some people know my history of working low magick.  Some on this list don't.  I dabbled a bit the first couple of years with detrimental results.  At the ages of 17 through 20+ I didn't know what I wanted and sabotaged myself a lot with my magick.  In the words of Ego Likeness, I got just what I needed the most just when I wanted it least. 

So I took a break from low magick and focused on high magick ritual.  I realized in 2008 or 2009 that this was a cop out and boned up on low magick and spell craft.  I tried a lot of things that didn't work and I got great results when I was both really clear on what I wanted and harnessed energies I fully had embodied in my understanding.  I do very well with planetary magick.  I do well will green magick and devotional work with Gods with whom I have established relationships.  The stuff that didn't work I either didn't empower properly or was giving the wheel to the men in my life so that I was only in a supportive role. 

In 2013 I went down a path that led to the completion of my 3rd degree work and coincidentally, to the destruction of my life as I knew it as well as my personality, spiritual compass, health --everything.  I spent the next two years doing self work, rebuilding my mundane life, and caring for my mother who was diagnosed with incurable cancer in 2014 and passed in July of 2015. 

Get this though, without the destruction of everything I would not have worked through some major emotional and mental hangups I had to growth.  I would not have gotten out of horrible relationships.  I would have lost my sanity permanently.  I am physically and mentally healthier than I have ever been.  I have had valuable time with my parents I wouldn't have gotten otherwise.  I am completely debt free and have 6 months of my expenses saved up in an emergency fund.  I am saving for retirement.  I did wonderfully on the GRE's and am in the process of applying to school to pursue the career I've dreamt about since before I graduated from undergrad in 2003!  Life force moves in my life and things have fallen into place in incredible ways.  Mostly I have not done "spell craft" per say to get these things.  However, I have used sigils, astrology, influence, NLP, harnessed desire, petitions, and a lot of planning and visualizing to make a lot of this happen.  It's been crazy amazing how well things have gone for me in the past 2 years.

Now the universe is throwing a lot of abundance at me with a ton of options.  I know in general what I want but I am concerned what I want isn't singular enough for me to successfully focus on through spell work.  In the mundane world, I am applying to 4 schools and will be applying for assistantships and scholarships.  I am pretty sure I will be able to be accepted by several of these schools.  I cannot afford my top choice without a full scholarship or assistantship.  I can afford two of the other choices without financial assistance.  Yet, the easiest choice I have a pretty good chance for an assistantship. 

I don't know what I want!  A lot of the options look good!  I want to trust that what will be best will work out, yet I also want to make sure I get some money for it. 

I'm getting excited and nervous and antsy.  I need to be using this amped up energy to make shit happen!  Yet here I am wondering how to focus on it. 

This much I do know:
I want to be an art therapist and then go for a PhD in Jungian psychology.  I want to work with a hospital and/or hospice to work with 4th stage oncology patients and end stage cancer patients. 
I HAVE narrowed my choices down to 4 schools:
George Washington University, Alexandria VA
Florida State University, Tallahassee FL
Ursuline College, Pepper Pike OH
Saint Mary of-the-Woods, an online program based outside of Indianapolis, IN

GW is my top choice.  They have the best program in the country and I have a support system there, and I'd be close to where I grew up which is cool too culturally.  I cannot afford this program without a full ride.  It is insanely expensive.  I will not mortgage (read death-grip) my mind.  They do have a 3 year option so I could spread it out and work more than I could in a 2 year program.  I visited them a couple of weeks ago and was very impressed with their facilities, students, and staff.

FSU has a great program and I could stay closer to my family and its in state.  Its the most affordable option.  I also have met the chair and think I have a good chance of getting assistance.  If I don't, I can afford this option if I have to, though I'd have to work quite a bit to make that work while I'm in school.  

Ursuline is a small women's college and I enjoy the small communal atmosphere of small schools.  Its a bit too expensive to pay for on my own, but I will see what I can do as far as scholarships go.  They also have classes scheduled in evenings and weekends so it would make it a lot easier to work almost full-time while I was there.  The have rolling enrollment too so I could start there sooner than at GW or FSU.  Downside, lake effect and a new place I've never lived before.  I'd also be far away from my family.  Looks like I might have magickal friends waiting for me there as well.  very tempting...

Saint Marys is online so I could keep my job and stay near my Dad.  We could continue to share living expenses and I don't have to move again.  The program is extended so I could more easily pay for this option out of pocket without dipping into my savings.  I am concerned that the internships and clinical as well as dissertation experience is lacking in this school.  I would wind up with the licensure and technical skills I need to practice, but  I am afraid that it would not prepare me for a competitive PhD program. 

I'm doing all the mundane stuff I need to in order to actualize my dreams.  Now I need to figure out what magickal actions to take to give it a better push.

1 comment:

  1. Maggi, So sorry to learn of your loss.Please accept my condolences.