Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Nosce temet and all that rot!

Change can be swift and at the same time when we are in the midst of change it can turn us around into completely different beings, leaving us completely unawares of its progress. I have found myself singing Thorn Coyle's God Waltz unconsciously for several weeks now. It goes:

Who is this flower above me?
and what is the work of this God?
I will know myself, in all of my parts.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I don't know the woman staring back at me. So much has changed that there is a different light coming through. From my perception, I look very different than I did a couple of years ago. Can we call this aging? That no longer do I have the plumpness of childhood babyfat or naievity of the innocent? Is that a smile line now permanently marking my mouth? Yes and no. I have reached a point physically where I don't have to negotiate and plead the person at the counter of a liquor store to let me buy a bottle of wine to complete my evening meal. I have desperately tried to gain the respect of an adult and finally have succeeded. Now I can let my hair down and just live.

At the same time I am suddenly feel more in control of my facilities, that my mind works in ways I ask it to and that my magick is suddenly, finally in the right gear. It was as if until this time, the gears clicked and never really made smooth transitions. I've spent the greater part of 30 years trying to be old enough. (Capricorns are born as little adults, don't you know). Now I feel like I am at an age where I can just live and not have to worry about what age, stature, or status I may or may not have.

Oh to let go of worry, of fear, of doubt! Trado ut Fuga indeed (my new moto if you didn't notice the update of my blog title. It means surrender to flight [I think Buzz Lightyear would approve]). The further I surrender to the process the easier it all is and the more life is showering upon me unending blessings. Maybe it is a matter of perspective, but its a perspective that I am digging into as much as possible. It is so freeing to be able to relax as if floating; floating on air in flight, floating in the water as if I were a lotus, floating beneath the earth in the embrace of dream-soaked sleep. ....gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

And I marvel, like a child fascinated with her reflection in a pool of water. Who is this shining dove? What is this amazing process of unending transformation? I don't know. It's beautiful. I fly, I coast, I soar. Day and night, stars and sun, circling over the sea. The white day star shines over me, never leaving me, guiding me at the center of my universe.

Everything was true. Everything I hoped for, feared, and doubted. It was all true. This is faith. And my belief and faith in the world(s) grows ever larger. Something is becoming. Each step brings it closer. I can feel it electrically dancing around me. I am the creator of something new, something Spring, something Now.

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