Well here I am. Waiting. I'm on day 3 of my fast and doing very well. I've been sick to my stomach for weeks so its felt really good to have a break. I even made dinner for Q. and the kids last night and didn't want to try anything. Last night Freya visited me. I did some shadow/mirror work. My weekend was visiting my Mother's side of the family with my mother. She processed a lot of things and needed me for support. I was really glad I had had breakthroughs this summer about emotional pain relating to my mother or I wouldn't have been able to support her through it. I feel empowered to not continue the cycle of emotionally neglectful mothers in my family. I'm going to do it better because I'm more healed, more aware, and am not afraid to change.
I looked through pictures of myself during the past 10 years. I am not that akward, haunted girl anymore. I am a woman in my own right. I am not even who I was 4 or 2 years ago. I'm greatful to Dave for giving me the safe haven to grow. I am greatful for Craig for firmly working me in his hands to stand up, face the monsters hiding in the shadows and process them. I am greatful for Freya for opening my heart to love and passion. Though I am not used to the woman I see in the mirror, I am glad to know she is there and am glad it is as her that I will walk through the rest of the days of this life, and not that confused little girl.
I feel like I'm having a coming out. Not of the closet, but of the traditional antibellum sort of where I have come of age and am now to be presented to the world. Is it late for that at 27? I don't know. That's okay though. I could have hidden in fear and doubt forever.
I'm not studying anything this week. I am taking it easy and doing a lot of nothing. I have been looking at the Havamal and Rune Poems just as a persuit rather than something with deadlines and expectations.
To everyone that has called me, thank you. It has been very helpful. Please keep them up.